Valentines Day, a day where historically men who have a partner spend a fortune on Champagne, Flowers and Chocolates and single men spend a fortune on Stella, Tequila and a classic Arnie movie. So I, The Mighty Machine Steve, have elected to help those poor souls in their time of need.
For every I Love You, I Need You song, there is an I hate You song to go with it. For many years now it’s has been the delight of Valentines DJ’s to hammer at the soul of single men who weep in the corner of dark bars imagining their lives if they weren’t so… ugly, and then just at that crucial moment as he is downing his last large Jack Daniels, Bon Jovi – Bed of Roses, BOOM! gets them every time. Tears flow, beer is spilt and the largest collection of lonely souls ever to be seen in one place link arms and scream the chorus, like wolves howling at the moon they chant together and salute their loneliness. Obviously there’s a soundtrack to this misery, so come with me as we visit the ten songs which I think sum up that pain like no others.
The Anti-Nowhere League – Woman
Some tracks are destined to live in histroy as the ultimate expression of man’s dislike for marriage and Woman has to be the anthem. For those of you who haven’t heard the song before it laments the joining of one man to his love and then some years later how he comes to utterly despise her. Delivered in the usual way you would expect from the League we are left with no doubt just how Animal feels about this unfortunate woman. Thanks to Crystal H for the Video.
Blink 182 – What Went Wrong
It’s fare I think to say that when writing this song there was definate purpose in it’s direction, with no meat on the bones of this track there is no better sentiment to an ex like You Fucked Up My Life. With creativity in abundance on the whole album, this Bonus Track was a straight up and down, no nonsense dig at some poor woman. Thanks to Tedancarn for the Video
Stabbing Westward – Happy
When Christopher Hall wrote the songs that appeared on their self-titled, and sadly last ever, album Stabbing Westward, you can’t help but wonder if someone might have upset him. Known for their overwhelming melancholy, Stabbing Westward were never the cheeriest of bands but Happy asks the question of whether this particular lady made the correct choice by leaving for someone else. Always a tear jerker for the recently lonely. Thanks to Eclecticelec for the video
Hinder – Better Than Me
Going in from another angle Better Than Me is an all out self-loathing anthem that relates the story of how one guy ruined his relationship and now had to live with the loss, sad. Taken from their first album, Hinder hit gold with their recounts of sexual exploits and misadventures in love but this song has to be the most pathetic expression of regret I’ve ever heard. Thanks to HinderVEVO for the video
Cake – I Will Survive
This cover of the classic Motown track proves without doubt that adding the word fuck into a classic track makes it an instant hit. We all know the story of how the subject of the song claims that despite being alone they will endure and carry on their miserable existence in spite of their loneliness. It’s naive but a nice sentiment.
Emelie Autumn – What If
Every now and again Mother Nature creates a human being with such insight and depth that it’s hard for us to grasp the true wonder of their creativity. Such a person exists in Emilie Autumn, and in this track from her album Enchant is no exception. There is some debate over the meaning of the song but to me it is a lover telling her partner, ‘This is me, it is what I am, if you don’t like it then tough’. I might be wrong but honestly I don’t care, I love this track and it is a massive favourite amongst the lonely and needy. Thanks to VampiressTati for the video
Saving Abel – The Sex Is Good
Nothing screams recently separated than a track about how good the sex is but the rest is shit. I’m not in Love but the Sex is good”. it’s got to be the quote of Valentines, an anthem for angry ex’s who want to get back at their past lovers.
The Dreaming – Dead To Me
I think the title says it all, yes Christopher Hall makes his second appearance in my top ten with the crunching Dead to Me with is a spitting fire anthem that screams hate in the face of someone who doesn’t want the whole man. I’m thinking Mr Hall may not have been so lucky in love but this track is a great sing along for the recently separated whilst out of your skull on Tequila slammers.
Reel BIg Fish – Where Have You Been
Amazing punk masters Reel Big Fish deliver a track that is akin to biblical verse. Telling the story of a man who’s ex wants him back and him telling her to quite frankly get fucked. This amazing masterpiece is the perfect sing along for groups of pissed single blokes trying to forget the fact that they’re going home alone.
Kid Rock – Half Your Age
These day Kid Rock has shaken off the stigma of being a skinny white man rapping about being a tough street savvy hard man and has started writing clever, entertaining tracks that speak to real people. Half Your Age is the tale of a man who has ditched his old ball and chain for a younger model, well all I can say is well done Mr Rock for allowing me to end this chart on a high with the man winning.
Well there it be people, my list of Anti-Valentines songs, love is a fickle thing, some of you may love this list, others may hate it, frankly I tell you what I told all of my ex girlfriends, I don’t give a fuck ( which roughly translated means I love you).
Would you like your list up on THE BLACK FLAG? then e-mail your list with why you like each song to firstname.lastname@example.org and we will put it up. For now guys, chin up.
The Mighty Machine Steve